A friend emailed, said he’s Scotch

Scotch is a form of whiskey. The people are Scots.

I replied, “How that got into your ancestry must be an interesting story. Does this mean you’re immune to hangovers? Do you have to pay alcohol import duties on yourself when you travel? Are you flammable?”

He hasn’t responded yet. Maybe someone poured him back into the bottle and he can’t get out.

Don’t be stuck in the bottle. Grammar matters.

Whatever happened to this storm trooper?

The one that said, “These are not the droids we’re looking for.”

His failure ended his career and he was thrown out of the Imperial service there on Tattoine. He became a regular at the Mos Eisley Cantina, drowning himself in the bitter clutches of drink until he finally died homeless, alone and scorned by Imperials and rebels alike as “weak minded.”

The Yugo

A rich snooty asshole orders an Uber after escaping unharmed from a car crash. Only one that shows up is a rusty Yugo. Argues with driver but gets in.

Discovers that instead of driving him directly to destination, it drives slowly through every place his friends/peers/rivals gather so they see him. He hears their comments, laughter, derision.

When he tries to get out, door won’t open. Driver turns a demonic face toward him and says, “Sorry, you died in that crash. Welcome to Hell!”

The End

How to get a new body

I have a reminder on my to-do list (Ultimate To Do List, if you’re interested) to post something. So here you go!

How to get a new body

  • Join a gym and submit to torture
  • Torture yourself by “eating healthy”
  • Become a Christian and die
  • Believe in reincarnation and die
  • Become a member of ISIS or al Queda and blow yourself up
  • Become an Apocalyptic Christian and survive the Apocalypse
  • Become a tech billionaire, invest in human cloning and mind uploading tech, then grow your new body and upload your mind into it
  • Order one on Amazon

© 2018 David W. Jones