Why you should hire me as your sidekick

Inspired by a writing exercise (write a letter to the hero applying to be their sidekick) at the end of a Hawaii Fiction Writers work shop on buddies and sidekicks:

“When you’re captured by the bad guys, tied up and being tortured to reveal where our client is hidden, I would shoot you in the head – then myself – to protect our client’s life.”


Alliterative Blessursings!

May the:

  • Annoying Adolescent of Angst aggravate your ancestors!
  • Bellowing Bison of Beauty barge bashfully through your bedroom!
  • Conquering Caskets of Congress congregate under your couch!
  • Deadly Dandelion of Delight dance under your duvet!
  • Evangelical Ego of Eccentricity exceed your expectations and eviscerate your evening!
  • Flying French Fry of Fragrance frequently flavor your farts!
  • Giggling Gorilla of Goodness grease its gonads in your garage!
  • Green Geyser of Garbage give your grandmother a goat!
  • Hairy Hippo of Happiness hop through your house!
  • Independent Idiots of Indiana indulgently increment your innards!
  • Joyful Junkies of Jupiter jolt your jollies in January!
  • Killer Kumquat of Korea confiscate your cash!
  • Lustful League of Lizards lightly lash your legs!
  • Merry Master of Mayhem mar your March with madness!
  • Nine nice ninnies nurse your nieces and nephews with neon!
  • Oblate Order of Oklahoma obliterate your overweening organism!
  • Petite Purveyor of Purity put pure purple poop in your perambulator!
  • Queen of Quaint Quantities question the quickness of your quest!
  • Raving Ratchet of Righteousness revolve your roof!
  • Rotund Riot of Responsibility ride roughshod over your rave!
  • Sacred Swallow of Swooning sweep the sidewalk with your soul!
  • Tank of Televized Tedium make tracks on your tush!
  • Unguent of Ultimate Ugliness apply itself via your underwear!
  • Unguent of Ugly Urges urgently up yours!
  • Virtuous Vampire of Venice visibly violate your variable vagueness!
  • Warbling Whiffleball of Wonders wee-wee on your walkway!
  • Xacto of Excruciating Exactness exterminate your excess!
  • Ex-Exceptionalist Exceed your expectations!
  • Yelling Yellow Yeti yank your yapping yoked Yorkinese!
  • Zestful Zone of Zinc Zippers zigzag through your zenith!